Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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