is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
