and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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