I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
