She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
