Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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