Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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