so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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