my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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