problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
