Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
