It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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