he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
