Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
