I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
