Well douche your snatch and let's go!
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
