I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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