WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
