honey bunches of taint.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
