somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
