Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
