Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
