I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
