Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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