I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
