i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
