What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
