do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
