I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
