question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
