i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
