Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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