Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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