you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Let's get the cat blown out
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
