It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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