In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
