omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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