I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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