dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
he shaved USA in his pubs
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
