u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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