My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
