He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
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