I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
