If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
