I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
