fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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