I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
