i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
