Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Randomize
