people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
